This summer, however, in my Chinese class (where I understood a good 20% of what she was saying), I realized that in order for me to truly utilize my experience there (MMLA, Chinese immersion camp), I needed to ask as many questions as I could so I wouldn't fall behind. At first I kind of went overboard, asking questions about pretty much everything down to why some kind of green dragon tea is called green dragon tea. It just felt so good not to have to stuff my inquiries to the back of my mind and LET THEM GO or OPRESS THEM :) Once I started doing this I realized that I learned so much more efficiently, and got better grades. Did I mention the only reason why I started doing this was because I was graded poorly on the "asks questions when confused" part of my report card? Haha, well that's why. Also, my Chinese was very, very, bad. I was forced, or rather, I forced myself into an uncomfortable situation within another uncomfortable situation and it turned out very well, and that uncomfortable situation made the other uncomfortable situation better for me. Instead of pretending I knew what the teachers and the more advanced students were saying to me, I asked them about a few select terms I thought sounded important to the conversation, and it helped me so much! During breaks between classes instead of turning to the dictionary to help me, I would ask my teacher and we'd have an actual conversation about which word this was and what it means, and so on. It's a much more proactive way of learning, and besides, the dictionary isn't always reliable.Okay, leading away from the school scene, because that is where I truly find it the hardest to ask for help, let's enter into everyday life. The reason why I don't ask people I barely know for help is mostly because I don't want to inconvenience them. I don't usually consider that my need for their help may be stronger than the effort it actually takes them to help me. In times like this I often put other people before myself, which is illogical, because they'd probably be willing to help me, or even glad to. I know I'm always willing to help, even if someone doesn't want it. I think one time in preschool I reduced my friend down to tears because I insisted on trying to help her with something even though she insisted she could do it herself (she could do it by herself, in case you were wondering).
Another example, also from my Chinese immersion camp, of my needing other people's help, was during the final week of camp when I managed to break my foot trying to parkour over the back of a line of chairs rather than make the effort of going around (veery smart). I needed crutches and for the most part I didn't need anyone's help... except during mealtimes. There was no way I could crutch around with a ceramic plate and a glass of water. I would feel so bad that I needed to ask people to help me, especially the people I ate with every meal who had to do it almost every day. Looking back I realized I needed their help more than it was an inconvenience for them to help me, and I don't think saying this is selfish, even though I would have thought so four weeks ago. Of course, as soon as I could hobble along my broken (I didn't know it was broken at the time) foot, I got my own food, and it felt SO LIBERATING! Buut, something for me to think about.I know it would be good for me to try and be more open with people about needing help, in all situations, but saying is different than doing and I'd be a hypocrite if I told you from now on I was going to be open and ask for help when I need it. Being away from home and crippled socially, by not being able to speak English, and physically, by breaking my foot, I think I've learned a lot about help and how to know when you need to ask. I may not ask for help when I want it, but maybe I'll learn to ask when I need it.
Love always,
- Nargles 8/15/14
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